Recovering: Family Style

Since your (Shadden Kai) birth, we have only spent 8 nights apart. Five when you were in the NICU and I was in the ICU, and three when Kealana and I were in the hospital upon her birth. Every single other night has been spent in each others arms. My biggest concern for Kealana's child birth was being separated from you those three hospital nights. The only consolation we shared from being separated was that you were wrapped in your Daddy's arms and I had Kealana wrapped in mine.


The hardest thing about recovering is not being able to play with you. It's hard to miss out on your classes, make pretend plays, outdoor romps, and picking you up in my arms. My consolation is that when you come home from class you walk in the door shouting, "Mama! Mama! I missed you." You come to see me and tell me about class. You remember details about students if you don't know their name. You tell me about fun things you did and what you enjoyed. This means so much to me! When you play outside, you make sure I am looking out the window watching you play in the snow, hit baseballs, or ride your new tractor. When you come inside you come to see Kealana and I. You ask to hold her immediately and offer your loving touch. You make sure to have me put you down for nap, read your books, and put you to bed at night.

My Gym fun

At nap and nighttime, you cuddle Kealana who sleeps on my chest while you sleep on my shoulder. You even initiated her into the family with your ear tweaking. I have the best last moment of the day holding each of you in either arm looking at your heads next to one another as we share songs of heartbeats and breaths.

You like to check my stomach booboo and talk about how Kealana came out. You have comprehended the entire pregnancy, birth, and postpartum exceptionally well. You have transitioned to having a sister in your typical easy go with the flow personality. You've taken on the big brother role proudly and adjusted bravely to Mommy's surgery. Watching your quivering lip and forming tears as you knew it was time to leave me in the hospital for the night was heartbreaking. I looked the part of a patient with my body shaking under inflatable warmers saying goodbye as your Daddy held you tight and you cried on his shoulder. Your dad and I would talk about your brave heart and how much it hurt us to see you endure the separation and how remarkable you were courageously withstanding it. We knew how much it grieved you inside and witnessed how strongly you bore it.  Two sad thumbs up.

We've been able to recover and adjust surrounded by support from family. It makes me so happy to overhear you and GG cracking up in puzzle or cash register plays and hear you and Nana putting out fires. This has been a special time for you and Daddy to bond, play together, and go on one-on-one outings. I thank God constantly for loved ones who are able to fill up your love tank during this time when I am unable. It's hard for me to be laid up. But, there is a beautiful silver lining on my cloud. I get to see you in joy with GG, Daddy, Nana, and Uncle Jeff. I'm a bit worried about how I'll handle all the baby needs in our house by myself when Daddy is working and our family support is gone. I have only the hope that God has carried us this far that we'll be enabled the rest of the way and someday pain and limitations will be just a memory that is...until the next pregnancy!  Wink! Wink!!

Nana cuddles

Brother cuddles

Sweet baby sister