Doodlebug

Dearest Kealana, My darling, my angel, my sugarpie. You skipped your two year old birthday and went straight to three. You dress yourself, wash yourself, and want to do everything on your own. You speak and express yourself and emotions like a three year old. You potty trained yourself (including naps and nighttime!). Instead of the typical two year old emotional tantrums, you do three year old protests. Where did our baby go? We weaned the week before Mother's Day. You would say, "this is so hard! This is so hAaard! This is too hard!" You would pray that God would help your heart not to be sad because you couldn't have 'doosies.' My heart broke. I cried and mourned the loss of babyhood and beginning motherhood. You still miss doosies. But, you will always have me there to hold you. Tonight after prayers, you begged me not to ever get a babysitter. Shadden agreed and then offered that we could get one say when he was eighteen or you were eighteen. You both have always wanted all of me and your Father and we adore it as a holy gift. You wake me up with cuddles and a beckon for hunger needs. We hold one another going to the kitchen filling you until you are satisfied. Then we read together. Your current favorites are Curious George and Berenstain Bears. You have a hefty attention span and beg to take music class and gymnastics. We all get slugged to our core watching you play with your baby dolls. You have named your favorite baby doll (a gift from Santa) Sister. The old baby doll you named Brother. You sing, nurse, feed, rock, hold, read, wash, change, cuddle, play with your babies. You go into your own world and I am hushed in my own. We share the same dream...to be a Mother. You are made to nurture. You are baked with kindness. Your mothering skills with supersede me. You are half dolphin fish. You always ask to go to the pool. We know to be extremely careful with you near the water because nothing holds you back. You see the water and go for it head first in sheer delight. Life vests have become my friend. Shadden swims around like a big fish and you are hot on his tail. You love jumping into the water saying, "I'm a big woowoo! Watch out for baby kangaroo!" You think of different animals and types splashing me because you have to do it all by yourself. You play any pretend game BaBa suggests. But, when you get to choose you always pick "woo-woos." You use drum sticks and throw them for Shadden to run on all fours and catch in his mouth. You say you are a pink woo woo named Blue. You name all your doggies Blue. You are a junglegym queen swinging your heart out into giggles and repeatedly going down the slide. You even begged to go to the playground when it was covered in snow in Michigan sitting on the frozen seats smiling. You are the family artist. You can write some letters and get in the zone when you are coloring. I can't wait for our craft sessions! You don't mind dirt and dislike washing. You never cared for a bib. You like to stand up in your chair and climb. You are a queso cabeza. You could eat dairy products in every meal. This makes veganism a bit trickier. Your favorite foods are french toast, fruits, and cheese anything

! You are known for swindling your Father for pizza! You are sweet and funny and strong. You belt out a giggle and love making your brother laugh. You think its hilarious to reword sentences with some inappropriate potty words much to your brothers delight. You stand up for yourself and let your feelings known. You do not like aggressive play and cry if playtime looks a bit too rough for your taste. We love to hear your stories and songs. Tonight you recited Psalm 23 all by yourself four times with dramatic flair. Daddy and I fight over who you are most alike. We takes gloating points from one another when someone comments upon whom you resemble. You said someday you'll marry me. I'll take it!!! Your father and I can't imagine a day ever being better then these with you. We know we are in the sweet spot. You are the victory run. Since weaning, you are not as eager to sleep as before. You ask to be rocked in the rocking chair for nap time and I love to comply. It feels like it always should when I hold you in my arms. I can't help but instantaneously feel your birth age and grown up limbs soothe and break my heart. Why does it all have to be so fleeting? Why must these perfect days slip away to new ones? We are standing on the top of the mountain. We are in the glory days. The best of the best. I hold you and your brother on either side of me and feel heaven. You tell me constantly how much you love me and say, "you the most wonderful Mommy in the whole wide world," until I just wish I could be for you. You play so well with your brother. We literally have absolutely perfect days of bliss and harmony. I frequently wonder if this is the time I will always look back upon as my favorite days on Earth. They are too wonderful. Too sunshiny. Because they are completely filled with sweet wonderful you. You make it. We have this space between us that is so lovely I can't relate to situations that aren't because I am constantly breathing your goodness. It pains me that I haven't written or taken pictures documenting this time. I can promise you it's because I have chosen to savor every second with you. Any documenting that hasn't happened is because we are in the middle of quality time together basking in the incredibleness that I have a baby girl and she is two years old and wants all of me and I want all of her. We love. There is nothing else. You are my moonbeam. My stardancer. My doodlebug. My kadoodle. My darling. You are my heart. I pray these days will be engraved on our souls, that somehow we might always know them in our deepest truest selves and bask in the glory of our Gift Giver for giving them to us.