Twilight

In the light of the moon, I hold your ten month old body in my arms. Your head engraving the pillowing crease of my elbow. The position we know so well. Your mouth parted. Your eyes dreaming. And I am back to those illusive first days. First glances, stares, and mesmerizing hours where I could look upon your face and just keep looking. The way the corners of your lips turn upwards instead of pointing down, just like mine. Your perfect skin and perfectly proportioned features on your face. Praying God's peace and blessing over and over. You smile dreaming. You laugh out loud that cute little chuckle, and in the magic reflux as time bends, I feel that same feeling I did when you were my darling newborn; wondering, desperately wanting to know what makes you smile. For a second or more I am lost in the twilight and once again I hold you in my arms, fresh and new, ingesting you, in trance like gazes. Your arm always reaching up in the air not to be contained by a swaddle.

Then, I see your legs outstretched in my opposite arm so warm, chubby, soft, and long. Your entire thigh the size of my hand. I can measure every limb by the length of my fingertip to wrist. Nothing like the skinny, dry, helpless, twiggy, bird legs I first saw. You were so solittle. Now your smiles are like water an everyday occurrence that we drink in all day long. You stick your hands into my mouth laughing harder and harder at the silly faces it creates on Mommy. You nuzzle your head into my cheek so we touch cheek to cheek and then turn forkissy kisses. You stick your hands through different spaces in your crib bars, staircase, and blanket holes for me to "get," laughing as you have learned how to mimic us, "getting" you. You play horse making him gallop just like you have seen me do. You kiss Duma's head and swing his toy, as if you've been fly fishing all your life, for him to catch. You climb down the stairs all by yourself and race back up them giggling hard with me hot on your tail. You use both chubby hands on either side of my face to pull me towards you for a kiss and wrap your arms around my neck as tight as you can leaning in to embrace. But in the twilight of your sleep, you raise one arm above your head until it is just so, the same way you always have since first we shared the air in sleep.