Wish I may, wish I might have this wish I wish tonight

"To Know, Know, Know Him is to Love, Love, Love Him

. Just to See Him Smile, Makes my Life Worth While..."

As I lay you down to sleep tonight, my eyes filled up as I gazed at your sweet body laying on your side in the middle of the crib. I prayed that I would remember this fleeting moment of your small body, your sweetness, our closeness. Right now you are my world and I am yours. Everyday all day and all night we are together. I know everything that happens to you. I know every part of your body and I massage it before you go to sleep. Someday, there will be others. You will go to school and I won't know if kids are nice or mean to you. You'll get older and buy your own clothes. I won't be able to touch or hold you like I do. Our life is so intimate right now and I have the most control over your goings on than I ever will. It is this wrenching realization that everyday since you were formed inside of me we begin to separate and morph into different distinct entities again. A gift I have to give away to be a gift to others.

It makes this moment in time seem so fragile and enticing reminding me of our purpose and my resignation from work and caring for other peoples children a little less guilty.

I love this time. Your heart is so strong. I love the moments when we both double over in laughter cracking each other up harder by the sounds of one anothers laugh. Like today, you were supposed to be taking a nap but were so playful. I laid you in your crib and you climbed up the railing and looked over and down and saw me crouched on the floor. You started laughing out loud and made me do the same at our opposite role reversal positions. I love our connection and the way you currently favor me. I love the looks you give me and the way I know all your little things. How could I ever go back to work??!?!! Miss out on this? On our small little everyday moments that make up our relationship? I called Bobby and said affirmatively, "No way am I going back to work. This is a gift and I am accepting every moment of it." It is too special, too rare, too precious a commodity not to. I am yours, my beloved, no matter how many times you wake up in the night or how many days I go without a break. I am yours. I praise God that you are mine. I am forever grateful that this time is ours. You are a gift!