"I AM with you"

I honestly waited all summer for this moment, your ultrasound. Counting down days like a soldiers wife. I'm not one of those pregnant moms who forgets she is pregnant. I'm what you might call...the opposite. I become obsessed. I think about you, my little baby K. Juliette constantly. I worry and pray and dream for you at night. I yearn for you in the day. I love you my darling. I just love you with the only way I know how to love.

Like the moon.

You are a gurgling, dancing, swimming, frolicker. I can already picture you "prancing" around the house. My girl.

The Ultrasound

We waited anxiously in the waiting area. I made the usual three trips to the bathroom smiling at what could only be your brother's distinct giggle reverberating the hospital walls as your Daddy ran with him in adjoining hallways. "I hope they tell us the gender right away and do the exam second," your Dad willed as we waited for our doctor to arrive. I replied with my usual contradictory impulse, "Oh Bob, it doesn't." "Yes, it does. I can't wait to find out! I have to know," insisted your father.

The second your face popped up on the screen your Dad and I melted. The wellies rushed to my eyes straight from my heart. I heard your Daddy, "awing" over you as he grabbed my hand to hold with his free hand and kept his other around your brother sitting on his lap. Your face! That profile that made me ache to see more! I could have lingered on your sweet baby face forever but our Perinatalogist was not the lingering type. He was on a mission. A second later while my heart still held wild horses he announced, "the legs are spread wide open! It's a girl." "REALLY!?!?!!!!" I gasped! And those welling puddles became sprawling tears that persisted throughout the day. A girl. Our baby girl!

We walked out gushing. "I better start saving for the wedding! Oh, what am I going to do?" Your Dad has already begun fretting over his protective provider instincts. Your brother ran around waving his, "It's a girl," pink heart balloon saying, "baby sister." I clutched you and prayed inside.

I felt it in me for five months. The chocolate cravings. The sweets! The rocky road. Everything could make me nauseated except, "A slice of pie? Of yes, sure...NOW please. Maybe one more tiny sliver." Your Daddy's cookies weren't safe. No sweets continue to be! My uncertainty. It's a girl! But, what if it isn't? Ohh! It has to be!!! The quick flashes of absolute zero patience and sharp irritability. Rarely felt but sudden and strong. Whoa Nelly! My immediate swoons for flowers-pale pink! Cravings for creamy soft whites and delicate features. The never ending nausea. My fingernails. My etsy wishlist that banished the sickies and worries with wishful longings. My deep feminist convictions. My cherished Mommy-daughter time. You are a dream come true.

I don't know how many times I thanked God after the ultrasound for my dream come true. I suspect it will be a forever process. You are a flower. A wicked strong and delicate flower. Most precious of all? You are our flower. We talk about you constantly. We pray for you nightly. We love you entirely.

We spent two months vacationing and returned for your doctor's appointment. We missed heat waves and an earthquake and managed to return on the weekend of a hurricane! So we unpacked, cleaned, grocery shopped, made cake, played playdoh, took rainwalks, and beheld this beautiful sign of God the eve of the hurricane and the blessed evening day of your ultrasound.

"I am with you." Genesis 28:15

"Be strong. Take courage. Don't be intimidated. Don't give them a second thought because God, your God, is striding ahead of you. He's right there with you. He won't let you down; he won't leave you." Deuteronomy 31:6 MSG

Grow strong flower. Love and Hope surround you.