The news came today. I say that as if it is so foreign and common place, like a letter in the mailbox or a tidal wave on the news. I can hardly believe it but my body is steadily reminding me. You...a life...your life in me...at this very moment. It may sound odd, but it is all so early such a complete switch in perspective that I do have to remind myself. This is all so new. And yet, so commonplace in the history of the world. It's hard to think of miracles as ordinary as occurring everyday, but there is a beautiful blessing in that. God constantly there in our mix, among and apart of us. Right now I feel like everything is new...just as you are. As if for everyday in the next nine months I will be on some sort of destination vacation getting a fresh morning wake up call that my entire life is changed. You are here.
Yet, you have been here much longer. We have dwelled together. For I have dreamt of you. I carried you comfortably like an extra rib. A young girls conception of being a mother. You have and now really are apart of me and beyond. For, before I even had a soul to dream, you were-as you will always be-the Lord's dream. Something so much bigger, but so much apart of us. Yes, you have the most wonderful Heavenly Mother & Father who has been loving you and planning your arrival with the tenderest of dreams just as your father's and mine were once. Creation is unmatched, a hand carving, perplexing. Your Holy One has been creating your exact smile, your gifts, your temper, your beautiful heart. It makes me well in tears and completely amazed that it could somehow "happen" when all along it has always been a dream. My mind still thinks of you as a dream and needs to adjust to believe that the dream is now a reality, a daily truth in my existence. You are my baby! Not in a year or so in the future but today, now.
I am only beginning to understand it all. I heard a voice over the phone confirm that something in my blood proves that you are here-telling me approximately how long you have been here! My crying reflex triggers when that realization is known-a wonderous baby is alive! Before, I have always cried to others news and now the tears are for you...my darling. It makes me just stop. Stop and wonder what to feed you, how to take care of you, who you are and will be, what our family will be, etc. When I get myself too flushed with too many thoughts something reminds me to, "stop, and know that I am God," to breathe, that you need me to sit back and relax. God doesn't strain in creating and since you are God's creation neither should I right now because it is not about me but the Lord and what the Lord is preparing. You are in my body but we are both in God's. You are being wonderfully and powerfully created with the same magic that made stardust-the truest and softest of care. You are being made in pure love and surrounded with ever flowing prayers held by same complexity that holds the universe. You, wee one, are entirely loved by The One that is love. Can you feel it dearest? You are a gift. My gift. You are a piece of heaven here today.
Yet, you have been here much longer. We have dwelled together. For I have dreamt of you. I carried you comfortably like an extra rib. A young girls conception of being a mother. You have and now really are apart of me and beyond. For, before I even had a soul to dream, you were-as you will always be-the Lord's dream. Something so much bigger, but so much apart of us. Yes, you have the most wonderful Heavenly Mother & Father who has been loving you and planning your arrival with the tenderest of dreams just as your father's and mine were once. Creation is unmatched, a hand carving, perplexing. Your Holy One has been creating your exact smile, your gifts, your temper, your beautiful heart. It makes me well in tears and completely amazed that it could somehow "happen" when all along it has always been a dream. My mind still thinks of you as a dream and needs to adjust to believe that the dream is now a reality, a daily truth in my existence. You are my baby! Not in a year or so in the future but today, now.
I am only beginning to understand it all. I heard a voice over the phone confirm that something in my blood proves that you are here-telling me approximately how long you have been here! My crying reflex triggers when that realization is known-a wonderous baby is alive! Before, I have always cried to others news and now the tears are for you...my darling. It makes me just stop. Stop and wonder what to feed you, how to take care of you, who you are and will be, what our family will be, etc. When I get myself too flushed with too many thoughts something reminds me to, "stop, and know that I am God," to breathe, that you need me to sit back and relax. God doesn't strain in creating and since you are God's creation neither should I right now because it is not about me but the Lord and what the Lord is preparing. You are in my body but we are both in God's. You are being wonderfully and powerfully created with the same magic that made stardust-the truest and softest of care. You are being made in pure love and surrounded with ever flowing prayers held by same complexity that holds the universe. You, wee one, are entirely loved by The One that is love. Can you feel it dearest? You are a gift. My gift. You are a piece of heaven here today.
1 comment:
First off congratulations to both of you!
I wished I could write something like this during my pregnancy. That is so beautiful: "like an extra rib"
Wow. I might have to cc you if that's okay.
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